introduction
THIS PART OF NEWFORMULA IS NOW IN COLD STORAGE. I decided to move everything over to wordpress, with a clean start. Old posts are now under archive here, but for the latest please visit newformula.org
"don't think about all those things you fear,
just be glad to be here"
from Hayling, by FC Kahuna
so delaware isnt as great as i hoped. seems that shit always seems to pile up on me, thankfully its never really major shit i have to deal with but always minor stuff. i get confused easily when it comes to peoples feelings, but thats another point aside, however when it comes to how i am feeling i feel i am pretty much there, knowing whats going. at least most of the time, in matters other than serious ones of the heart- i am (un)fortunate to have not really had any of those. anyways, my boss out here promised a lot, not the world, but a lot, and just hasn't delivered, and what sucks is all of us here prepaid our accomodation so cant ditch out without losing a stack of $$... like 1100 in fact. anyway, i am thinking of cutting my losses in a couple of weeks and running, especially after receiving possibly the crappest paycheck in the world ever, goddamn, after working what feels like a freakin long time i only get like $360. grrr. i mean i knew the pay was shit but i just didnt calculate it out, and didnt think it would be THAT shit. anyways, not much i can do about the past, you have to look forward to the present and to whats coming toward you. the past defines you right now, the future is what will define you in time to come... and on that profound note i do believe my indecision about leaving has stopped, and barring a life changing event out here which makes me like my situation a shitload more than what i am liking it now, i think i am outta here. anyone have any suggestions? email me.
must move left leg. pins and needles. ok better.
on a more personal note, its cool to meet someone new, but very hard to work out how you feel about them or how they feel about you when in contact from afar. anyway, i feel like i have enough experience with screwing things up now that hopefully this one shouldnt go too far wrong. famous last words.
also, isnt it weird, when you think you know someone really well, how they can continue to surprise you? i mean this can be taken in a good or a bad way, but this little event was entirely neutral. i just thought someone was completely stable in a current environment, then i go found out they are moving. kinda weirded me out, makes me think what else isn't stable. if they are reading, dont worry, like i said its not a +ve or -ve thing, just something that happens... hmmm. i am 100% sure it is correct for them, and i hope things truly work out in the relocation. i envy that you are able to do that.
right now i am sitting in our ok sized lounge... ok sized for a family of like 5, but not for a house of 10 people (one expectation gone bad), which is 3 miles from the nearest beach (not on it, as told), and i have to go to bed soon as i am awaking in approx 6 hours for work - one reason i hate the place, to name one of a fistful. i dunno, it just feels like i have the whole continent open to me, and i am stuck here, with people i have no great, long lasting connections being made with. on the whole they are v cool, but just nothing special. i connected better with one person i spent a night and a morning with before coming here that i met for the first time in New York (i doubt she is reading... here's hoping), than i have with anyone really in our house so far. so yeah, its just on the frustrating side. they are all sitting outside while i play away in my air conditioned environment inside, but none of them have to be up before 10 tomorrow so its cool for them to stay up, but i cant. again, another reason why we just sit around this house and seem to do absolutely nothing. goddamn. why do my posts to this and emails to people always end up whining and bitching, when there is nothing really wrong? why am i never 100% happy with the way things are at a given time, at most points in time?
i will end this rather long post here i think. everyone has heard enough. once again, if you read this and dont know me personally, i would love you to let me know and give me a shout via email. would make my day in fact. i know my site gets a few hits a day, i never know where they are from, but just say hi.
seeya later y'all... from the not so good right now ol' USA.